A few days ago I officially returned to work. On August 20, 2019, my fifth child was born, a healthy and beautiful baby boy named Duarte.
A new member of the family was welcome, but it's also true that his arrival means that the already established family routines, and the family plan, have to be rethought both logistically and, in general, in terms of the outlook for the future: family and professional.
My maternity leave:
In my case, the formula for managing to be with my baby without neglecting my professional responsibilities has been to work 10 weeks full time and the rest of the time part time, so you return gradually and manage to stretch the leave a little more. Careful, this doesn't mean I don't take the leave; rather, in certain positions you have to apply a bit of creativity to managing both tasks. It's also a good option to combine the mandatory weeks with your partner, since, in addition to having extended paternity leave to 8 weeks, by January 2020 the leave will be 12 weeks! Quite an achievement that certainly has to be celebrated (although it's still very little...). The father also has the option of combining the mandatory weeks (5 weeks) and the rest however suits him best during the first months of life, which means we've made a lot of progress on this matter.
In our case, my husband and I decided to dedicate 8 weeks in a row to the baby and, honestly, it has been a good call. Now he's already back at work but manages to have a certain flexibility and work from home some days, just like me. This formula is allowing me to fully enjoy 2 of the tasks that fulfill me most in this world: MATERNITY AND WORK.
These days, having 5 children and being an executive seems like mission impossible, but believe me: EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE, it's a matter of putting in effort, pragmatism and a bit of sacrifice (well, a lot...).
In this first post after my recent maternity, I'm going to give you my personal tips for balancing family and professional life without ending up at the psychiatrist's and/or at each other's throats with your partner :).
First Premise: Life is not designed for WORK-LIFE BALANCE.
You discover this all by yourself the day you leave the hospital and you or your partner set about handling all the bureaucracy of the maternity/paternity leave and the newborn; the leave in one place, the registration in another, the census in another, the family book in yet another.... and don't even get me started on what happens if you decide to get the ID card!
And I ask myself, would it really be so complicated to have a portal where you can handle everything in one go? It must be that there's no interest... well, the thing is, facilities are minimal.... so get used to it, super Mommy :P
What happens to you at work when you become a mother? Work-life balance becomes a steep uphill climb, at least in our country. This can clearly, and usually does, affect the progression of your professional career, but it doesn't mean you stop growing. Relax, take it easy.... enjoy the moment and use that time with your baby to reflect on your future in general; for example, evaluate whether the company you're at allows you to balance work and family. If the answer is "no", take advantage of the maternity leave time to design your professional logbook for the next 5-10 years (minimum).
I'm going to focus on the topic that interested you most...
My 3 tricks for balancing family and work without dying:
- Good is the enemy of great.
- Delegate.
- Enjoy what you do and love yourself!.
1.- Good is the enemy of great.
We women have an inhuman tendency to beat ourselves up over everything; we spend the day going over all the things we did during the day and almost always have the feeling that we didn't achieve the perfect result. And I'll tell you one thing: perfection is overrated! For example, it has happened to me many times to arrive at an annual presentation with my other colleagues and see that my presentation is infinitely more prepared, while on the plane I had the feeling it was only half done.... Or when your child tells you the night before that tomorrow is GREEN DAY, ECO DAY, RECYCLING DAY.... you have two options: a) dash out to see what you can find open, or b) creativity to the rescue! See which T-shirts/pajamas/costumes have a green background, so that if you turn them inside out they work perfectly to get you out of the jam!.
Perfection and your learning style go hand in hand.
The American psychologist David A. Kolb designed in 1984 a model of learning style based on three causal factors: genetics, life experiences and the demands of the environment.
- The four learning styles that Kolb identified are:
- Accommodating --> pragmatic
- Diverging --> observer
- Assimilating --> theorist
- Converging --> reflective
In my case I am ACCOMMODATING, or in other words a walking pragmatist, which means my "natural" learning style allows me to adapt to each situation and favors my being multitasking. My method is "trial and error", but to be like this you must have a certain predisposition to risk (basically, that if you mess up it's not a drama for you :)).
With this learning style your strengths are: multitasking, pragmatic, fearless, sociable, open, very active, even too much. When you have a profile as pronounced as mine, you have to work on the opposite profile; for example, in my case, I must work on the ASSIMILATING part, that is, I must dedicate time to analyzing, reflecting, thinking. There are things that require more analysis than others, and since my natural style makes me lazy about it, I force myself once a week to analyze financial data and company performance, and once a month I do a deeper analysis of the company's activity from all points of view. But since it's hard for me, I have to put it in my calendar so as not to procrastinate....
MY RECOMMENDATION: Identify your natural learning style in order to analyze it, and with that you'll be able to work on an "adapted style" that helps you better manage the family and professional sides without going crazy.
I'll leave you a link below to take the questionnaire:
https://www.psicoactiva.com/tests/kolb/test-kolb.htm
2.- Delegate.
Another of the things we women do badly is the tendency to do everything ourselves, as if our method were the only one and the best. Well, we have good news: NOTHING HAPPENS IF YOU DON'T DO IT YOURSELF!
If you don't delegate you don't live, you don't enjoy, you become a slave to yourself and you end up bitter... there's nothing more important than having a happy and satisfied mother. I often hear some of my friends tell me "it's just that my husband doesn't know how", "my husband does it wrong", "today it was tracksuit day and he took the girl in a dress"... They don't know how? Of course they know how! We have the same abilities, but if every time your partner does something you criticize "that something", he probably won't do it again... so take it easy and share out the tasks!.
In our case, from the first pregnancy we decided, because of our jobs, to have help at home. Even though it's a significant financial effort, I always say it's the best investment. Even so, the coordination, and many tasks, we have to take on ourselves; with 5 children it's impossible for a single adult to manage everything.
My tricks for sharing out tasks.
1.- The fridge is like a dashboard; the individual calendars of each person are stuck on it, plus a global one that brings together everyone's weekly activities, so there's no getting lost!
2.- The Outlook calendar. With so many commitments it's very easy to miss important dates; school interviews, medical check-ups, etc. Email is the one thing you absolutely do check, so my husband and I summon each other by email, because spoken words are carried away by the wind :P. It's the only way we have to manage to get to everything, and even so we've skipped the odd school interview...
3.- Dividing up tasks; just like at work, each person has assigned tasks; for example, I shop and he cooks. On the weekend I list the things we have to do and each of us chooses: for example, baths, pajamas, dinner, tidying up, backpacks, homework review, giving the baby his bottle.... It has almost become a game that ends up being fun. :)
3.- Enjoy what you do and love yourself!
We return to the earlier reflection; the most important thing for your children is that their mother be happy, content, satisfied, in a good mood and with energy to enjoy whatever stage of life she's living.
What used to happen to me was that when I was with my baby I felt guilty for not working and vice versa, so what a disaster, I didn't enjoy either of the two things. The good thing about having so many children is that you keep perfecting the combination of tasks.
How do I do it?
I compartmentalize, I make schedules or, in other words, I fully enjoy what I'm doing at each moment. This, apparently, is called mindfulness or full attention!.
Mindfulness, also called full attention or full awareness, consists of being intentionally attentive to what we do, without judging, clinging to, or rejecting the experience in any way.1 It is a practice based on vipassana meditation. It consists of paying dispassionate attention to thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations and the surrounding environment, without judging whether they are appropriate. Attention is focused on what is perceived, without worrying about problems, their causes and consequences, nor seeking solutions.1
So, what is it that I do?
When I take my children to school, I take them to school, I dedicate the time only to them, I ask them what they're going to do today, and you can't imagine how fun it is to ask them in the morning what their plan for the day is. Above all, I don't look at my phone until they're at school. The same at work: when I work, I work, I'm 100% concentrated on what I'm doing. To do this I make lists and schedules, it's the only way. I even summon my team individually for phone calls, so that they organize themselves and so do I.
Lists and schedules are key to organizing your time, and above all DON'T SUFFER. When you're carrying out a particular task, or a training course, or you're with your children, etc., and you're suffering because you have 100 emails to read, think the following: when you finish what you're doing, your emails will still be there to be handled! That said, I always tell my team that if there's something urgent or immediate, a phone message is better.
Time for me.
This seems simple, but when you're a mother it costs you your life. We return to the feeling of guilt... well, when the guilt rears its head, think: "my child needs a satisfied and happy mommy"!.
I gift myself time to exercise at least 2 times a week; I try to take some class at a women's gym I go to (I feel more comfortable...), and other times, if I don't have time, I run 30 min around my neighborhood. When I finish I feel brand new!.
and one formula that never fails is to have a little beer with your friends.
In conclusion, everything can be achieved with 3 simple tricks: flee from perfection, delegate and enjoy what you do at each moment.
I hope you liked it!
leave us your comments :)
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